Chicago Skyline
Eating “rotten cow”
snuggled
close in a two seat truck
watching groaning graffitied
gas-turbines.
Gastropods loose in the cozy kitchen cabinets,
Compulsive straightening
of covers
and
fluffing of pillows.
Pretty little black
dolls with thumbs in their mouths,
Protecting me from strangling stranger stares.
My whisper
tangled in strings.
This is also a first draft of one of my new poems. I've struggled with new ideas for this poem. I like the over all "theme" of the poem, but I think that there needs to be revisions. What suggestions do you have for this poem? Are the associative leaps to great for the reader to understand?
ReplyDeleteI think this poem would work will in tercets. The white space between the tercets could signify a leap. Maybe you could line up the poem to the left margin. I like the music in this poem (consonance). I think if you feel you need to tweak it a little, just read it through a few more times and see if anything pops into your head. Don’t change it too much because then it will be a different poem.
DeleteKyle?
ReplyDelete